The Mammogram-not so bad afterall, but then...

So the appointment took all of maybe three or four minutes. The x-ray technician was so nice and professional, and made me feel at home as I could with my...self...hanging out there. The squishing really wasn't bad at all. Did it hurt? Well, not really. It was just a pulling, tugging kind of thing...very uncomfortable though. But that part lasted like five seconds with each picture-four in all. So what's 20 seconds, even if it was painful? I left and went to 7-11 and rewarded myself with a bag of Doritos (the 99cent variety), and a BIG, THICK Reeses...yum! I told my husband that it seemed like someone should have a party for me or something, but when I got home there weren't any streamers hanging. Dang! Well, at least I tried.

But here's the bad news- I got a call from the hospital just now and they saw something on my left side. They want to do an additional mammogram with a magnifyer and then an ultrasound. Before the appointment, my doc. said not to worry about it if I got called back in as it is common with first mammograms. And when I left the mammogram, they gave me a little pamphlet that said the same thing and gave statistics on how rare it would be to actually have breast cancer.

My first thought when I got the phone call was, "Do you know my history of beating statistics like that?" I was in the "less than five percent" of people who don't heal from back surgery and require another. But I'm trying to let reason win out here. The gals in my family are "lumpy", so the mammogramologists say. This is probably nothing, right?

Why do I want to cry and why won't I let myself? I'm sure everything is fine. So much for writing about writing on this blog, huh?

The Fear-driven Mammogram

(this is a break from my regular posts-but I think it is more important than anything else right now)

When I turned a certain age, I was told by my doctor that I needed to get a baseline mammogram. I didn't do it. I put it off for four years. Well, when my son's best friend's mother was again diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago, I developed a fear. Not a fear of cancer. My fear was that she'd ask me if I'd had a mammogram. I considered what I'd say if she asked; should I lie, should I tell the truth. And if I told the truth, would it be a slap in the face to her. Of course it would. She beat breast cancer a few years ago, but this time it has mastesized and come back with a vengeance.

After specialists recommended that she go ahead and do anything she's been wanting to do, she took her family to Hawaii. She's fighting for her life. And I don't want to get naked and get my boob squished. Sheesh. How pathetic is that? So this morning I have an appointment to do just that. I don't have any symptoms-this is just a baseline mammogram. Still, if I allow myself to go down that road, I start thinking things like, "It's cold out. Maybe I'll call and cancel the appointment. It'd be nicer in the spring when it's warm." But that's not the road I will travel.

~Karen